Go Ask Me Bollix

Iwona Kat seems to be a bit of a polyglot as well as being somewhat of a philanthropist.

Not being content with assuming that the world is fluent in pidgin English, she has kindly taken to sending her loan offers in Irish.

Iwona is Polish (according to her email) so it is with some surprise that I see her apparently fluent in Irish. Like the majority of the population of Ireland, I have fuck all Irish myself, so I am somewhat in the dark and might miss out on a gift-horse…

For the rest of you here is Iwonas kind offer:

l Táim Mrs.Iwona Kat ón bPolainn, a thairiscint i de chineál ar bith iasachta agus tá go leor eile gotten iasacht ó dom before.if suim acu le teagmháil a dhéanamh liom an méid seo a leanas:Méid
Iarrtha mar Iasachta, Tír, Stáit, Do Iomlán Ainmneacha, Inscne, Uimhir Fón Póca, méid is gá, chun dul ar aghaidh.

an riachtanas thuasluaite a sheoladh chuig mo ríomhphost: iwonahousefirm@hotmail.com

Contact email: iwonahousefirm@hotmail.com

While not all taxi drivers in Dublin would come under the low-life scumbag, overweight, balding, lazy, fart smelling mongrels banner, its worth taking note of this one Cabbies!

Its my Cycle Lane and don’t block it to pick up passengers DICKHEAD !

Now you all know who you are ! So ignore that €6 fare to O’Connell Street and keep moving !

I know this is somewhat old news – but in these days of economic disaster and wailing and gnashing of teeth over the predicament our financial systems have left us in, I just couldn’t help it…

My blog is worth nothing

Tristan Louis did some back of an envelope calculations on a deal between AOL and Weblogs Inc. in 2005 worth some $25 to $40 milliion and came up with the suggestion that a blog is valued at between $560 and $900 per site that links to it.

Of course this is not news to most of us – anyone with a passing recollection of the dotcom era will remember some grossly stupid deals that employed similar methodologies to value deals without any clue as to how these numbers were actually going to be realised. “My blog has 1,000,000 readers” and “I have a mailing list of 1,000,000 people” were used to suggest that you were just around the corner from being the next Richard Branson. One such deal that comes to mind was the reportedly $10,000,000 purchase of the domain ireland.com by the Irish Times about 10 years ago!

(In case you still think that this business model actually works, we are happy to recommend Steve Morsa Realty’s Domain Division. As they point out – “A Memorable DotCom Web Address: The Difference Between Success and Failure on the Internet”. No mention of having to work your tits off when you set up a business of course – it is all in the domain name.)

The reason behind all this is that now you too can value your blog using the same methodology employed by Tristan Louis and hence make thousands (or millions – drool!) selling it on.

Just for comparision we plugged in “GoAskMeBollix.com” and voila – $0.00. Bollix – stuck with the day job for a while longer I suppose!

You can’t beat a good burger can you…?

Well, careful now, that burger could be worst for you than you think…

I had the pleasure (?) of having lunch with some colleagues in Luigi Malone’s in Temple Bar, Dublin recently and ordered a burger for lunch:

Can I have that medium, please?

Certainly Sir!

Now you can’t beat a properly done burger and, with a slight edge on me from a surfeit of Guinness the previous evening, I waited with gleeful anticipation for my cure.

Well Holy Mother of God when the item arrived the smile disappeared from my face pretty quickly. What had started out as a good looking burger was incinerated beyond belief and had only a fleeting relationship with ‘medium’ at some time in its distant past.

I spoke with a very polite manager who explained that it was the policy of Luigi Malone’s to server burgers well done. When I asked him why that was the response I got was:

It’s a health and safety matter. I’m sure you would appreciate that as a chef.

Thank God for that – saved by a quick thinking restaurateur. I didn’t get the exact health and safety reason for the policy (although I did press the manager) but I can’t help drawing the conclusion that either:

• The meat is so shite that to serve it less that incinerated would poison people;
• The chef can’t do anything other than well done (perhaps he’s an Irish BBQ expert);
• The waiting staff, bless them, couldn’t handle the increased workload (3 burgers x 5 degrees of ‘doneness’ = 15 things to remember… Ahhhhhhhhh!)

Personally I thing that the burnt yoke that landed in front of me could have chipped my teeth. And, if a waiter dropped the order, could crack tiles or fracture bones should it land on an unsuspecting customer.

Not to be outdone, the Porterhouse pub in Temple Bar has joined the BBC club. At least they offer you a fine choice of beer to get pissed with, saving you the pain of trying to eat the damn thing.

18/02/2009:

A new contender: Fitzers of Temple Bar. (Today the Fitzers homepage shows “Account suspended”, so perhaps they need to revisit their shite burger pricing structure…). I feel that they need a special mention – at €15.95 (courtesy of menupages.ie) they are obviously going for the “more money than sense” market. Make your choice:

1 Fitzers Burger or 16 McDonals Euro saver burgers!